Even if it doesn't seem like it

Violin: Well everytime I feel like I have a little breakthrough, as I felt yesterday, the next day is always kind of a letdown. Or at least it reminds me that violin is indeed a bitch. If you are someone like me who has very little intuition about how to play. As I tried practicing today it felt like I was ending up in places I had been before. I think I'm getting the sense that the knuckles of my right hand, the place my teacher always bugged me about, are really the source of lots of problems. I've noticed over time that for me to fix something, I first have to become aware physically of the discomfort, which my brain has numbed me to over time. Then I have to concentrate on it until I discover what it feels like to be relaxed. Those are the hardest steps it seems. Once you have become aware of the new way, it is just a matter of repetition and refinement. Unfortunately I think I am on about step 1.5 as regards my fingers and hand. So the goal every next practice session will be to really keep digging deeper into this knuckle problem until I'm dead or something. It's easy to get caught in the trap of being content once some little amount of headway has been made. I have to keep remembering that there is always more.

Life: Had to study for an exam, a history exam, which wasn't fun. Stayed up way too late reading pretentious musicologists wax on about their superior methods of analysis. I think perhaps that I never like history because of problems I have in seeing the big picture and thinking about it in an interesting way. Only occasionally, when I teach myself the history, am I able to find the excitement and wonder in that other people seem to grasp intuitively. Of course, I like math and most people hate it, so maybe I don't need to try to be so understanding. Fuck shit that happened already!

Practice Time: 2 hours :'(