How depressing it all is

Violin: These past few days or weeks have started to show me why my progress in violin seems so slow sometimes. It is because of this pattern I fall into of practicing only 1-3 hours a day, and on some days skipping it all together. It's just horrible. First of all, you always feel bad cause you aren't working enough, and then when you do finally get to it, it sucks because you haven't been working hard. And you don't really get any better. I'm still trying hard to find a working mechanism for the right hand, and sometimes it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. Sometimes I find a configuration that seems to work, but it quickly disappears and is very difficult to find again. The balance and consistency idea seems to still yield the best results when I can remember to focus on it and attain it. However, it is still such a different way to think about my right hand than I usually do that I don't even realize I'm not working on it most of the time. I really need to ramp up the workin hours, I think is the moral of the story.

Life: When I get down about how much I suck, it also triggers this feeling of repulsion at all the things I think about and get excited about that don't have to do with violin. Other stuff is just wasting my time, and makes me forget about the reality of my life. I do not dread the idea of pouring myself into violin, but for many reasons, I find it very hard to do. I am too content with myself when I'm not practicing. I tell myself I'll be fine, and I believe it. It is a terrible subconscious habit. What ever happened to the 5 hour streak?

Practice Time: 3 hours